I used to be that way…

I’ve struggled with my weight almost all my life.

Judging from old photos, I started getting a little chubby when I was around 8 or 9 years old. That’s around the time my sister was born… so it’s obviously all her fault. I was perfectly fine being the only child.

I’m kidding, of course. (She might read this!) In all seriousness, I honestly can’t pinpoint the reasons for my weight issues… maybe it was my father’s drug and mental health problems, my mom being overweight herself, not participating in sports, or a combination of these and other factors. I’ve tried time and again to lose weight. Every diet, exercise program, fitness gadget, weight loss book out there – I’ve probably tried it, bought it, or checked it out from the library.

The truth is, I try, but I can never stick to a diet for long. My need to feel better and ‘feed’ my emotions becomes stronger than my desire to lose weight. After I mess up I have a hard time getting back on track, so I usually just give up… until the cycle begins all over again. People who’ve been successful always say “something just clicked” – but how do you know when that happens? I’ve been overweight for so long that I can’t even see myself thin.

So here we go – 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS, DAY 1

I got on the scale this morning and was pretty disgusted by the number I saw… 208.6 lbs. I’ve regained almost all the weight I lost on the Medifast program a couple of year ago. Even when I’m not officially ‘dieting’, I almost always start the day off on the right foot – usually with a green smoothie. I’ll snack on some fruit mid-morning, and have a healthy lunch. A big salad, some quinoa and beans, you get the picture. My problem is that I often hit a wall in the late afternoon where I feel like I need to lay down and take a nap. So I eat something sweet to wake me up. I figure I’ve already blown it, so I eat more… and it goes downhill from there. Don’t even get me started on exercise. I need to look at how I tend to do things and make up new endings for these negative patterns.

I used to be that way, but now I’m different.

• I used to give up on a diet after a few days, but now I’m journaling to stay on track.
• I used to drink Coke and coffee every day, but now I’m drinking water, seltzer, and tea instead. (I love Yogi detox tea, by the way!)
• I used to have exercise at the bottom of my to-do list (only done if I had the time), but now it’s moved to the top.
• I used to put my family ahead of myself, but now I worry about ME first, and do something for myself every day.
• I used to reach for sweets when I wanted to feel better, but now I write my emotions down instead of eating them.
• I used to eat mindlessly, but now I listen to my body, paying attention (and savoring!) every bite, stopping when I’m satisfied.
• I used to stay up late, but now I choose to go to bed early and wake up early instead. I give myself one weekend morning to sleep in.
• I used to be easily discouraged, but now I’m inspired and motivated to keep going!

In the hopes that I’ll fall back into blogging regularly – and maybe lose some weight in the process – for the next 3 months I’ll be tackling the one-a-day lessons from the book “100 Days of Weight Loss” by Linda Spangle. I’m fearful that I’ll fail, like I always do… or wait, is that a click I just heard? The clicking of my keyboard. It’ll do.

TODAY’S

• Weight: 208.6 lbs
• Exercise: Nothing. (I know…)
• Steps: 1904. I forgot to put my tracker back on after my shower.
• Craving: Halloween candy. I gave in, but not a ridiculous amount like last year.
• Book: Gone Girl