Every month, I go through a period where I feel a little crazy. Okay, a lot crazy. Spaced out. Disconnected. I get irritated by every little thing… Maura talking non-stop… a loose drawer pull… the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet… having to make dinner again. I forget things. I eat way too much. I cry for no reason. Yell for no reason. I just want to be alone. My period comes, and then I forget about it… until the next month.
My periods have been a major cause of suffering for years. Other than maybe a conversation between mother and daughter, no one really talks about this, I’ve noticed. It’s always “TMI”. When I was in middle school and high school, the problem was heavy bleeding. So much so that I’d go home early, or even miss a few days of school, to avoid an embarrassing moment. As I got older, I learned how to handle this better. After Maya was born, the problem became very painful cramps. So bad that I’d cry from the pain.
But since I had Maura in 2007, I’ve had crazy PMS. I think it started after she was born, anyway. That’s as far back as I can remember, though I think it’s gotten worse in the past year. The physical symptoms are there. I get headaches. Awful ones. I’m zapped of energy. I sleep a lot, but wake up soooo tired. I have to drag myself out of bed just to get Maya ready for school on time.
Mostly… it’s in my head. I feel like crap for not giving the girls the attention they need/want. I show no interest in my usual diversions – blogging, Twitter, TV, etc. – because I can’t seem to focus. I’m not really even sure what I do all day. Last week, for instance, is a blur. It’s like I was doing the motions of daily life, but not really living it. The symptoms last 4 or 5 days, maybe a week, and dissipate a couple of days into my period. I wake up one morning feeling like a new person. That’s how I feel today.
When I think about the fact that I’m walking through what feels like a dense fog for a considerable part of every month… that scares me. There is definitely something wrong with me, though it’s hard to come to terms with because I feel so normal right now. I’m thinking it’s time to see a doctor. Is it just bad PMS? Could it be PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder)? I’m afraid that they’ll put me on antidepressants or something. I’ll start by keeping a journal for the next couple of months, this way I’ll have something to share with the doctor.
Do you suffer from severe PMS? Any advice?
I’m so glad that you wrote about this! I struggle with depression, ptsd and anxiety to begin with, but when I get PMS it’s just awful. My boyfriend said to me once “The world isn’t really ending, you’re just PMSing. you’ll be okay in a few days” and that was really when it hit me that he was SO right. I honestly do feel like it’s all raining down on me when im PMSing and i do feel hopeless and horrible and like the world is ending. It’s so hard because I can tell myself that its just PMS and i’ll be fine, but when those emotions are so strong it’s hard to let the logical side of me take control. I’ve considered going to the DR but I feel silly because everyone experiences PMS and I worry that my doctor will just kind of say ‘yeah thats normal’. I’m already on an anti-depressant but it doesn’t seem to help hardly at all. SO even if I did I DOn’t think there’d be anything else they could do for me. If you do go in update about how it goes. Good luck! 🙂 Sorry this is so long!
Are you on “the pill”. I would talk to your obgyn. When I was on the pill I would get so depressed (didn’t want to get out of bed depressed), I had to eventually try other BC options. I was happiest when I just went along with my cycles, not having “relations” when I was fertile. But I can’t take that chance right now that I might screw up, so I am on Yaz. That has been the best pill ever … I feel normal on it.
erin´s last blog post ..VeggieTales- ‘Twas the Night Before Easter win
I get like this every month too – especially the fatigue. I just want to do nothing but sleep for days and it’s so hard to gather the energy to get anything done. I yell at the girls, I yell at my husband, I get frustrated with everything so very easily. I know I’m prone to depression anyway – I’ve been on medication before and I suspect that I need to be again in general. I don’t know if it’ll help with the PMS symptoms or not though.
In any case, you’re not alone – and I hope your doctor can help find a solution that will work for you! Hugs…
Deb – Mom of 3 Girls´s last blog post ..Itâ��s not exactly something you usually â��planâ��â�¦
I hear ya loud and clear. I’ve recently researched PMDD as well because I swear that is what I have. I had an “episode” last month that was the worst one EVER-hiding/crying in the closet for hours, suicidal, crazy thoughts that I wouldn’t think on a normal day, I even got violent and tried to beat the crap out of my husband 🙁 NEVER EVER have my episodes gone that far-irritable, exhausted, grumpy, slightly depressed yes but NEVER violent and suicidal.
I think I’ve had it all my life but it seems to have gotten worse since the birth of my second child. I’m currently charting my symptoms so I have something in hand before I see a doc.
Please know you are NOT alone. 3-10% of females suffer and we need to support each other in this crazy disease!!
Put it this way: every relationship that was ended in my life .. ended the week before my period. I am the WORST one week before my period. I always swear I have PMDD but no insurance so I can’t really get accurate care or someone to fully listen to me. I go to planned parenthood for most of my OBGYN stuff but honestly, I am pushing 30 this year so they really don’t listen to me, or so I feel they don’t. I hear you girl, I am the SAME way and it’s frustrating because I am such a happy, positive person but forget it, I am a cry baby, emotional wreck that PMS time! ((HUGS))
Brandy´s last blog post ..Choosing “Friends” Wisely
My sister is in the Psychology field, so I know from her studying that therapists don’t automatically go to prescribing anti-depressants. Maybe talk to your obgyn and see if there are medical conditions that can be checked out. I had ovarian cysts about 4 years ago but after they were removed my heavy periods improved immensely as did those awful PMS symptomns. If medical stuff is ruled out then just talking to someone about this might help. {hugs}
Patty´s last blog post ..Lush Lunes Assignment
Hi, thanks for your blog, I totally know how you feel. Six years ago my life began to crumple around me. It started with a massive panic attack whilst travelling to go on holiday. I completely freaked out over nothing and promptly made my then boyfriend turn round and return home, we were already half way to our destination. Then the anxiety didnt leave, I finished the relationship and lost weight and tried very hard to turn my life around (as I thought there were things that I was doing to cause the anxiety). I changed jobs, got a better boyfriend and still the anxiety and fear remained. I pushed on for as long as a could, eventually I could not go out of the city and lost my job which was my career and something I was very proud of, because I was so anxiert ridden most of the time. I have tried every therapy, anti-depressant and now low grade anti psycotics to try and reduce the anxiety and these work for around 10 day of the month then they are as much use a eatng sweets. I have had a referral to mental health because of suicidal thoughts, but honestly those that know me also find the diagnoses of depression with anxiety hard to swallow becuase I am (when well) a fun, outgoing cheeky little lady and then wham I am a mess. I have no external factors that could influence my feelings like abuse or anything like that and the Dr’s cant understand why I am so untreatable. For a while I knew that my periods made this all worse but what I didn’t know was that potentially they are actually the cause. I am now writing a two month mood diary for a Dr who specialises in PMDD, today is day two of my period and I feel utterly dreadful, but I know know that potentially this is my hormones and I am not mad and that is making it ever so slightly more bearable. I have changed my diet to a high carbohydrate diet and I dont mix protein with the carbs, I eat one or the other along with vegatables with a 4 hour wait inbetween. I started taking the herbal suppliment l-tryptophan week last and the pre period days were easier but the actual period is hellish. Keep reading and investigind this condition there is hope. Good luck x
See your doctor And be candid about your symptoms.