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Grief and regret

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It was just over two weeks ago that I wrote this, yet it feels like so long ago.

I’m sad to say that my aunt finally lost her battle with cancer last night.

My uncle was by her side last week, and said this to me a few hours ago:

“She fought so hard… yet it still beat her. If you had seen her willpower & positive attitude until the very end, it would’ve inspired you and it makes the reality even harder to take.”

She is finally at peace, yet I can’t help but be full of regret. I never took her up on her many invitations to visit her in Paris, the city she so dearly loved. My excuse was always, “It’s too much money for us right now, maybe next summer…” year after year. I have a book that’s been sitting on my dining room table for months, with a Post-It note on it that says “For Annie”. Yet I was too lazy to make a trip to the post office.

I could go on and on, but instead I’ll try to focus on the memories.

Annie had one of those personalities that just lit up a room. The last time I talked to her was over Skype; she talked to my girls about their love for Elmo and was proud to show me her hair was growing back after a chemo treatment. I’ll never forget her beautiful smile, and just hope I can be as graceful, strong, and brave when my time comes.

I’ll miss her tremendously.

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  2. Mariana. I’m truly sorry for your loss and my heartfelt condolences and prayers go out to you and your family.
    .-= Liz´s last blog ..Candle Color Poll: The Results Are In =-.

  3. I’m terribly sorry, Marianna. I
    .-= blueviolet´s last blog ..I Did a Face Plant to Save a Bird =-.

  4. I’m so sorry to hear. I send good wishes and hope you find a way to memorialize her & keep her close to your heart.
    .-= Nicolle´s last blog ..Save $$$ on Haircuts =-.

  7. I’m so sorry, Mariana. I hope you can find a little peace and comfort during this sad time. Hugs to you.
    .-= Tara @ Feels like home´s last blog ..Overcoming Grace’s Fear of Animals =-.

  8. I am so sorry to hear about your aunt. Cancer is such a horrible thing. I have lost many loved ones to cancer. God Bless and HUGS!
    .-= Nichol´s last blog ..BooJee Beads Review & Giveaway! =-.

  9. “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart
    and you will shall see that in truth you are weeping
    for that which has been your delight”

    “Life Is Like A Butterfly”
    Life is like a butterfly
    Softly, softly………
    One never knows why…….
    It touches your cheek, then say, ‘goodbye”
    Fragil and sweet, like blooming flowers
    Life’s loves and trials last only the hours
    That they touch your heart, then say “goodbye”
    Life is like a butterfly”

    Annie touched so many hearts, and now she said “goodbye”

  10. I’m so sorry for your loss. Marianna, don’t regret. Just do better tomorrow. All we have is today and our memories. My mom passed away last Friday from the dreaded “c” word. She had pancreatic cancer and fought it 3 long great years. We will bury her tomorrow. I’m not sure anyone could ever make it better , but we have to keep going, as hard as it is. I’m with ya girl,
    .-= jeanine´s last blog ..CVS 3 days worth of freebies =-.

  16. My prayers are with you and your family. She is in a better place now. I know that doesnt help alot, but sometimes that is all you can grasp. My grandfather is loosing his battle with cancer right now. I am greatful for the time I am able to help now.
    .-= Chriscia´s last blog ..$5/$25 Kmart printable =-.

  17. Marianna,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that it doesn’t help a lot to hear that she is in a better place now, healthy and whole again, but try to think about that anyway! Try to remember all the good times you had and how much you loved each other! My family and I will keep you and your family in our prayers! God Bless you!
    .-= Shelly aka Allysmama´s last blog ..Lands’ End Twitter Party Aug. 20 8-10 pm EST =-.

  19. I’m so sorry for you and your entire family.

    My heart aches knowing what you all are going through…..I lost my mom 3 years ago to cancer. A big hug from Texas!!!!!

  21. Please accept my deepest sympathy at this moment of grief and loss. My heart is with you.