How did you find me? Interesting keyword searches

Over half of my blog’s traffic comes from search engines. Google, mostly. Once in a while I’ll look and see what keywords bring people to my site. For example, in 2010, “Paper Jamz review” and “what to say to someone who is dying” were the single two most popular queries, but there were lots of searches regarding backyard playsets and the iPad, too.

Here are 20 more that I found browsing through over 25K keywords:

• unhappy housewife – The third most popular search. Sad, eh?
• didn’t want kids and my patience is waning – Can’t help you there. My patience waned long, long ago.
• do all strawberry shortcakes smell? – Hopefully, if you make it right. Oh wait… maybe you mean the DOLL. In that case, yes, all Strawberry Shortcake dolls are scented, as are her friends Lemon Meringue, Blueberry Muffin, Raspberry Torte, Plum Pudding, Orange Blossom, Pumpkin Pie, Creme Brulee, etc.
• do it with no hands – I barely get around to doing it with hands, so you won’t find any advice on that ’round here.
• how to enjoy doing laundry – If someone ever stumbles upon this secret, please let me know. Better yet, you can come enjoy doing laundry at my house. I have a mountain of it.
• how to please an unhappy housewife – I was actually happy to see this! Not all husbands are a lost cause like mine, some are actually looking to make things better.
• how to say hello in Chile – This seems so obvious to me.
• my husband never buys me gifts – Mine either. Well, not never. Just hardly ever. When he does, it’s usually something big, like a new computer. For no reason. Which then makes me suspicious…
• my mother is a little bit taller than me – Don’t be jealous of your mother! Luckily I don’t have this problem. Mine is significantly shorter, actually. But, no… really, this is a line from a song by Ralph’s World. A  sweet children’s song.
• snowtorious big – The huge snowstorm that hit the DC area last year. One that was given all kinds of ridiculous witty names. It was a nightmare. One I’d like to forget. So… why are people still searching for articles about it almost a year later?
• unhappy socks – Stinky feet?
• waiting for my iPad – Man, you must have been waiting a long time to be bored enough to Google that you’re waiting for it.
• what does it mean when you like a red washer/dryer? – This sounds like a question from one of those quizzes you find in Redbook. I’d like to give you a deep, spiritual answer, but I’m just not that creative. Red symbolizes love, right? Maybe you secretly love doing laundry.
• what time does Build-a-Bear close? – BAB is just an example. I get this question all the time. What time does the grocery store close. What time does TJ Maxx close. What time does Target close. GAH! How about you go to the STORE website, type in your location, and figure it out yourself. Or… do it the old-fashioned way. Just give them a call.
• what to eat sprinkles with – This makes it seem like sprinkles are the main ingredient, no? Really, you could eat sprinkles with anything. Will it be good? Probably not. But for starters, try sprinkling some on cupcakes. 😉
• what’s a niece? – Again, there’s an obvious answer to this. I guess if you aren’t a niece, and don’t happen to have one, then maybe you wouldn’t know.
• where is my iPad? – If I had a $1 for every time someone asked this, I… could buy myself a new iPad or two. How about you TRACK the package using the shipping info that you were given shortly after you ordered it. I happen to like using iship.com.
• why am i so totally unhappy in the evening? – Because your husband is home from work? Or is that just me?
• why does my iPad sound like chipmunks? – Ooh, sounds cute! I wonder where I can buy one like that. My daughters would love it! For now, they’re happy with the “Talk with Chippy” app. Totally worth the 99 cents.
• yummy mother – Umm… no comment.

I don’t care how you found my blog, my dear readers, I’m just happy you’re here!
Happy New Year!

Image above created at blogoscoped.com/letters.